Attitude Shift: Harnessing the power of perception
Reason: To own your own upset
Discipline: Composure Power: Perception Value: Integrity
4. Safe Place
Children can only learn when they feel physically and emotionally safe. An adult's inner state co-regulates the child's state. "Inner state" is a phrase used to describe what is going on inside us.
1. From blame to owning your own upset.
No one can make you angry without your permission.
2. Being proactive instead of reactive so that you remain composed when they are losing theirs.
The power of Perception allows us to be in control of ourselves. Things happen that trigger a belief of how things should or shouldn't be, which then determines the inner state we are in.
What a good school is. What good work ethic is. What is respectful or disrespectful?
"Look how you made me feel." "You are driving me nuts!" "Look what you made me do!"
"Don't make me pull this car over." "Are you happy now?"
When we blame others for our upset we are putting them in control of us.
A button in being pushed and is letting us know we want something to change.
The 1st self-defense skill that helps us reclaim our power by learning to actively calm ourselves in time of distress. This is the pause to choose how we want to behave in ways that are helpful and model behaviors we want our children to use.
Breath- 3 deep breaths help to shut off the stress response in the body!
Say these each time to signal to your brain "this is real":
"I am safe"
"I am calm"
"I can handle this"
Shift you perception to "I am willing to see the situation differently"
Once calm, your perspective can shift to what you want to happen or the ability to see the world from their perspective.
The safe place is a tool for learning not a time out. This is where the child can go to learn self-regulation skills. Time outs are punishments that are ineffective in creating permeant behavior changes.
The safe place depends on age from the womb, to arms, lap, next to child, a place a child can go; ultimately children will carry it within themselves as inner peace. You are your child's portable safe place as they learn how to self-regulate.
Ways to do this in the picture cards are below- Pretzel, Balloon, Star, and Drain
What Now? -----------Commit
Practice breathing deeply 3x all throughout the day.
Breathe before responding to a stressful situation.
Teach your child to breath.
Notice how your thoughts create your feelings. When you feel angry, overwhelmed, or anxious check to see what you are thinking. Where is your mind directed?
Listen to how often you blame others. Carefully note any "make me" language.
"Don't make me _____" "You're making me ______"
Replace with "I am going to ______"
Be kind to yourself as you learn new ways to handle hard situations.
Breathing cards for visuals to have in the house. Practice in times of peace not upset. A place the child can go to "calm down" - cozy, favorite book, fidget toy, coloring, pin wheel, or breathing picture cards, glitter bottle, etc.
Sources: Conscious Discipline Parent Curriculum & Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey.