​Composure & Perspective

Attitude Shift: Harnessing the power of perception
Reason: To own your own upset
Discipline: Composure Power: Perception
Value: Integrity

Today’s Agenda:
1. Shifts
2. Perception
3. Composure
4. Safe Place
5. Commit
Children can only learn when they feel physically and emotionally safe. An adult’s inner state co-regulates the
child’s state. “Inner state” is a phrase used to describe what is going on inside us.

Shifts:
1. From blame to owning your own upset.
No one can make you angry without your permission.

                                                        2. Being proactive instead of reactive so that you remain composed when
they are losing theirs.

Perception:
The Power of Perception allows us to be in control of ourselves. Things happen that
trigger a belief of how things should or shouldn’t be, which then determines the inner
state we are in.

​ What a good school is.

What good work ethic is.

What is respectful or disrespectful.

When you are upset, you have a problem. Your upset is a signal to you. Our choice is
to decide which way to go – up or down by using the skills we have in the moment. Button Pushing Video

It allows us to model the behaviors we want to see, and to be the person we want children to become
instead of blaming others.
“Look how you made her feel.”                  “You are driving me nuts!”                   “Look what you made me do!”
“Don’t make me pull this car over.”                                  “Are you happy now?”
​
When we blame others for our upset we are putting them in control of us.
A button in being pushed and is letting us know we want something to change.

When your Buttons are Pushed What to Do
Q.T.I.P. Quit taking it personal – they are in an upset state using limited tools.
Composure: the 1st self-discipline skill that helps us reclaim our power by learning to
actively calm ourselves in time of distress. This is the pause to choose how we want to
behave in ways that are helpful and model behaviors we want our children to use.

BREATHE - 3 Deep Belly Breaths helps to shut off the stress response in the body!
Say these each time to send a signal to your brain “this is real”:

“I am safe”
“I am calm”
“I can handle this”

Shift your perception to “I am willing to see the situation differently”

Once calm, your perspective can shift to what you want to happen or the ability to see the
world from their perspective.

Safe Place:

The safe place is a tool for learning not a time out. This is where the child can go to learn self-
regulation skills. Time outs are punishments that are ineffective in creating permanent behavior changes.

The safe place depends on age from the womb, to arms, lap, next to child, a place a child
can go; ultimately children will carry it within themselves as inner peace. You are your child’s
portable safe place as they learn how to self regulate.

Ways to do this are in the picture cards on the next page – pretzel, balloon, star, drain.

What Now? ------- Commit

Composure:
Practice breathing deeply 3x all throughout the day.
Breathe before responding to a stressful situation.
Teach your child to breathe.

Perspective:
Notice how your thoughts create your feelings. When you feel angry, overwhelmed, or
anxious, check to see what you are thinking. Where is your mind directed?
Listen to how often you blame others. Carefully note any “make me” language.
“Don’t make me_______” “You’re making me__________”
Replace with “I am going to_________”

Be kind to yourself as you learn new ways to handle hard situations.

Make:
Breathing cards for visuals to have in the house. Practice in times of peace not upset.
A place the child can go to “calm down” – cozy, favorite book, fidget toy, coloring, pin wheel
or breathing picture cards, glitter bottle.

Sources: Conscious Discipline Parent Curriculum & Easy to Love Difficult To Discipline by Dr.
Becky Bailey