Attitude Shift: Harnessing the power of attention 
Reason: What you focus on you get more of
Discipline: Assertiveness             Power: Attention 
Value: Respect 

Today's Agenda:
1. Shifts
2. Attention
3. Assertiveness
4. Passive/ Aggressive. Assertive
5. Visual Schedule 

What you focus on you get more of. 
By being assertive we teach our children to be assertive and that words have more power than hitting. 

Shifts: 
1. Focusing on what I want instead of what I don't want 
2. Shifting from a passive or aggressive tone to a voice of no doubt. 

Attention:
The Power of Attention is like a flashlight that shines on what we value as important. When we focus on the error vs. the answer we are shining the light on what we don't want. When we shine the light on what we want to see or have happen we are teaching to focus on solutions. 

Focus on the behavior we want to see
Don't run- focus "run"-----------Walk 
Don;t touch the cat- focus "touch"--------------"Put your hands in your lap while she eats" 
"Stop" is needed on occasion yet follow up with stating the behavior we want to see 
"Stop! Wait for me before you go down the stairs"

Intention of helping children be successful 
If our intent is to punish the child it doesn't matter if we are using the right word because our body language is saying otherwise- wide eyes, waving a finger, tight mouth. 
                     So, we breath, calm and focus every cell in our bodies on helping the children be successful at the new skill-even if we feel like they should know it already. 

A tone of doubt 
This is the "matter of fact: voice as if saying "the sky is above me".
An assertive voice is always clear, matter-of-fact, and calm- like "this is the way it is and that's a fact. 

Be descriptive & paint a picture with words
Use words, gesture and anything else that will help the child gain a clear understanding of the desired behavior- model how to "like this" if needed. 

Name, Action, Paint
Name: Make eye contact and say the child's name-breathing while waiting for them to look.
Action: State the action you want to see. "Hold my hand and walk with me to the bathroom".
                             Paint: Paint a picture by using words and gestures- Reach out the hand you want the child to hold while using the other hand to point it in front of you. 
Use language appropriate to the child's age and remember the younger the more we will have to repeat, repeat, repeat as calmly.

Passive/ Aggressive/ Assertive
A voice that is Aggressive is harsh and says "you better or else..." when using aggressive communication, the goal is not clarity is is to win by overpowering. ​

A Passive or questioning voice is the voice of "do it for me....pretty please?" When using passivity, the goal is not clear communication but wanting to keep the other person happy. 

Both of these voices invite children to challenge us. 

The trouble is that passivity leads to aggression- when we tried to be nice and now must put the hammer down. Then aggression begets aggression- child is wither going to fight or surrender- the goal is cooperation

An Assertive voice is a voice of no doubt. A voice that clearly communications with straightforward statements about our feelings, wishes or thoughts. It requires us to make decisions- are they always "the right" ones not but it creates a sense of safety and clarity. 

Visual Routines 
Visual routines provide predictability, consistency, and clarity to help children feel safe and comply with expected behaviors in addition to assertive communication. 

Examples where Visual Schedules can help:
     -Bedtime
-Potty 
                       -Clean up for dinner
                                    -Get ready for the morning 
                                                                                                 -Days where child will be off (Different classes, daycare days, or parents' house)
                           -Other transition times

If there is a chaotic time you home this could be helpful. 
                               -Keep it simple with pictures and few words
-Limit it to 6 steps or less
                                                          -Order steps in a line in the order you want them to happen
                                                                                     -Post it in an area where behavior needs to happen- bedroom for bedtime, bathroom for potty, etc. 
                                                                                     -Optional-Incorporate a visual warming like a sand timer ("2 minutes until clean. up time")

Take pictures of your child doing the task or use the images below to get started. 



What Now?----------Commit

Attention:
Remind Yourself 5x a day "what I focus on I get more of". When you wake up, at meals, bedtime and when you are upset. 

Pay attention to you focus. Are you focusing on what you want to happen, or on what you don't want to happen? 

When you're upset, PIVOT. Acknowledge that you are upset and ask yourself "do I want to have more of this in my life?" If the answer is no, breathe and tell your child what you want them to do and why. 

Assertiveness:
Listen to yourself talk to children. Are you passive, aggressive, or assertive? 
Get the child's attention before you speak. Move close and wait for them to look at you. 
If you ignore you tell them "I am going to show you what I want you to do" 
When you are frustrated express your feelings directly- "I feel ____ when you _____" 
or "I don't like it when you _____"

Be kind to yourself as you learn new words to communicate what you want. 

Make: 
Visual Schedule for chaotic moment of the day.

Sources: Conscious Discipline Parent Curriculum & Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey

​

Attitude Shift: Harnessing the power of perception
Reason: To own your own upset 
Discipline: Composure      Power: Perception      Value: Integrity

Today's Agenda: 
1. Shifts
2. Perception
3. Composure 
4. Safe Place
5. Commit 
Children can only learn when they feel physically and emotionally safe. An adult's inner state co-regulates the child's state. "Inner state" is a phrase used to describe what is going on inside us. 


Shifts:
1. From blame to owning your own upset. 
                                           No one can make you angry without your permission. 
2. Being proactive instead of reactive so that you remain composed when they are losing theirs.

Perception:
The power of Perception allows us to be in control of ourselves. Things happen that trigger a belief of how things should or shouldn't be, which then determines the inner state we are in. 

What a good school is.                What good work ethic is.          What is respectful or disrespectful? 

"Look how you made me feel."                          "You are driving me nuts!"                          "Look what you made me do!"
    "Don't make me pull this car over."                          "Are you happy now?"

When we blame others for our upset we are putting them in control of us. 
A button in being pushed and is letting us know we want something to change. 

Composure:
The 1st self-defense skill that helps us reclaim our power by learning to actively calm ourselves in time of distress. This is the pause to choose how we want to behave in ways that are helpful and model behaviors we want our children to use. 

Breath- 3 deep breaths help to shut off the stress response in the body! 
Say these each time to signal to your brain "this is real":
"I am safe"
"I am calm"
"I can handle this" 
Shift you perception to "I am willing to see the situation differently" 

Once calm, your perspective can shift to what you want to happen or the ability to see the world from their perspective. 

Safe Place:
The safe place is a tool for learning not a time out. This is where the child can go to learn self-regulation skills. Time outs are punishments that are ineffective in creating permeant behavior changes. 

The safe place depends on age from the womb, to arms, lap, next to child, a place a child can go; ultimately children will carry it within themselves as inner peace. You are your child's portable safe place as they learn how to self-regulate. 

Ways to do this in the picture cards are below- Pretzel, Balloon, Star, and Drain

What Now? -----------Commit 
Composure: 
Practice breathing deeply 3x all throughout the day.
Breathe before responding to a stressful situation. 
Teach your child to breath. 

Perspective:
Notice how your thoughts create your feelings. When you feel angry, overwhelmed, or anxious check to see what you are thinking. Where is your mind directed? 

Listen to how often you blame others. Carefully note any "make me" language. 
"Don't make me _____"                          "You're making me ______" 

Replace with "I am going to ______"


Be kind to yourself as you learn new ways to handle hard situations. 

Make:
Breathing cards for visuals to have in the house. Practice in times of peace not upset. A place the child can go to "calm down" - cozy, favorite book, fidget toy, coloring, pin wheel, or breathing picture cards, glitter bottle, etc. 

Sources: Conscious Discipline Parent Curriculum & Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey. 
 

   Consider this the Open House for the class – laying the foundation for
understanding to be able to learn the 7 skills and 7 powers of this philosophy.

Each week we will focus on one of each in more depth.

Today’s Agenda:
1.Shifts & Our Role
2. Disengage Stress
3.Our Brains & Skills
4. Connections = Values & Life Skills

Conscious Discipline is a research-based program that helps adults stay calm enough to see
misbehavior and upset as a signal to teach instead of punish. It all starts with mental shifts
and knowing our role.

Shifts:
1. From trying to fix the child to build healthy relationships
2. The way we teach values by flipping the practice of “do as I say not as I do” to “be the
change you want to see”.
​
Our Role:
To be safekeepers - the adults who are counted on to keep our children emotionally &
physically safe. Children can only learn when they feel emotionally and physically safe.
Learning includes:
1. How to wait for a turn
        2. How to say “no thank you”
                       3. How to be able to keep a still body
4. How to share an idea
       5. How to work with others
                      6. How to calm down after an upset
                   7. ABC’s & 123’s

Disengage Stress:
It all begins with the right state of mind for us then the child.

How?

BREATHE - 3 Deep Belly Breaths helps to shut off the stress response in the body!
1- long inhale..........................................................................................
Exhale..........................................................................................................

2- long
inhale.................................................................................................
Exhale..........................................................................................................

3 - long inhale..........................................................................................
Exhale..........................................................................................................

Just like adults, children feel stressed about things going on in their lives too – nap time, boo
boo’s, fear of spiders or unicorns, arguments with friends, restless sleep or staying at school
without their loved one to care for them and any other kid problem that can throw off their
day.
So, our job as parents and care providers is to teach them active calming strategies so their
brains are physically ready to learn. At school we use the S.T.A.R (Smile Take a Deep Breath &
Relax) or Smell the Flower Blow out the Candle.

3.Our Brains & Skills
Watch this video to understand how our brains states, skills and how to understand how to
respond to our children’s behaviors.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cjVJV7G8x3s

​
4. Connections = Values & Life Skills
Connection is the glue that holds our relationships together and can be done in small amounts of time while
having huge impacts as it builds roads in our brains making it crave more. So, our interactions with our
children shape their brains.

Connections Require:
1. Eye Contact
2. Physical Touch
3. Presence
4. Playful Setting

So how?

I Love You Rituals! They are little social games we can play or rituals we have.
Remember Patty Cake, and This Little Piggy? Those moments create the feeling that comes when we get a
reward, but they are so much more meaningful!
See 5 min video above for more on this amazing discovery.
The more you connect in these moments the more your child will be able to access their ability to learn
throughout the day – Executive State.

Reflect

What is it that you want your children to learn?

What is important for them to know?

What do you value?

All information is from consciousdiscipline.com/ and their YouTube channel www.youtube.com/lovingguidance